When my son was born twenty-eight years ago, my mum imparted some advice. “As much as you love that little boy, say no to him more than you say yes.”
It took me a while to understand what she meant. Saying yes is easy. Who wants to disappoint their child? But yes, used without limit, creates a kid who expects the world to bend to their will. No is a hard word but it’s the one that does the work. It prepares a child for the unforgiving realities of adulthood.
My son and his wife now have a young daughter. I truly hope he adopts his grandmother’s wisdom.
The ‘No’ advice came back to me this week while I was listening to the local radio. Our county council has somehow amassed debts on a scale comparable to a corrupt nation-state. It then struck me that every government department, locally and nationally, ought to employ someone whose only job is to say no.
Not a finance officer. A person. With a chair, a desk, a phone they refuse to answer, and a single word in their vocabulary. Nothing leaves the building unless the evidence stacks up and the cost makes complete sense. The answer is always ‘No’ unless there’s resounding, compelling evidence to say ‘Yes’.
We could call it the Office of No, and it would be managed by the Permanent Secretary for “Not a fucking chance, mate.”
The current system runs on chains of yeses. Each one looks small and reasonable on its own. The procurement officer says yes because the consultant said yes. The consultant said yes because the minister said yes. The minister said yes because someone, somewhere, decided this would win votes. By the time anyone notices the bill, the money has left the budget and a building stands half-built… and on fire.
One well-paid ‘No’ would prevent such situations, and save us all a fortune.
It works for parents. It would work for those who spend our money.
My mum worked in a café, raising four boys in a terraced house on a council estate. She never ran a department in her life. But if she’d ever found herself in a room with a special adviser and a PowerPoint deck, they’d have left with a resounding ‘No’ and a harsh word from someone who knew the value of every penny she ever spent.